I’ve lived with dogs for the past ten years of my life: they have been a relatively recent discovery but what a discovery! They taught me unconditional love, patience I did not know I had in me, even insights in my deeper emotions. They are my bridge to that warm side of me often hidden and elusive: they know how to reach it and have no shame in doing it!
As a coach and keen observer of leadership behaviors, I also found dogs to be an endless source of leadership insights. Do you think that may be stretch? Think twice! Observing our furry friends more closely helps us reach deeply into ourselves and gives us hints for a more rounded self, one we can take into the office straightaway.
Here are five insights on how we as leaders can all learn from our best friends and how executive coaching can help:
Dogs seek to satisfy their basic needs: food, water, a place to rest, protection, and companionship. Every day, anywhere. As dog owner (or parent, if you prefer), we often take this for granted. Dogs don’t. Their healthy balance depends on how many of their basic needs are fulfilled regularly. Dogs learn what to expect.
What does this mean for us as leaders?
A team also has basic needs: we want to be paid fairly, be given a safe and healthy place to work, be recognized for a job well done, and be advised on how we should improve if necessary. We want to be understood, feel safe, and have fun. As leaders, our primary role is to provide those basics needs and build the solid foundation for the team to thrive. Have your team’s back: never delegate it to another (HR?) department, and never give it for granted.
How can Executive Coaching help?
Quick articles bombard us with invitations to inspire our teams. Inspiration is often skin-deep. It can be left at the podium where we gave the last inspirational speech, describing the new functional strategy. A coach can help you think through how to take that down a few clicks: how to make time for healthy and regular 1:1s with all team members, how to recognize what’s important for them, and how to work on your emotional intelligence. Simply put: how to become a leader who always has his/her team’s back. Once you’ve built that strong foundation, you have become an inspirational leader. If you want to go a bit deeper and explore a way to look at your leadership style, read The 4 Elements of Transformational Leaders, by Ronald E Riggio Ph.D. (shared courtesy of my friend and Executive Coach Jonathan Silk -- http://www.quicksmartsleadership.com/)
Dogs are pack animals and quickly establish the role of pack leader.
Any group of at least two individuals forms a pack. You may not realize it, but that includes you (and your spouse, kids, the cats, etc.). A pack of dogs follows the leader, who provides direction and protection for the pack. For a healthy and balanced pack, we want—ideally—all humans in the family to be pack leaders for your doggy family members, providing direction and protection.
What does this mean for us as leaders?
Unless you work in a self-directed team, your group also needs a leader. In any group formation, a leader will soon naturally emerge, and it may not be the one with the formal title. Any form of aggregation at work (a meeting, a training class, a workshop) provides a leadership opportunity: an opportunity to provide “direction” and “protection”.
How can Executive Coaching help?
Establishing a leadership presence is often the goal for executive coaching. Leadership has many varying nuances; patterns and areas of focus vary according to the changing business circumstances leaders are called to lead. As coaches, we support our clients in finding their “signature”: their true self, able to scan not only business challenges but also their own stance in them.
Dogs communicate to us: learn to read their body language.
How we wish they could speak to us! As a matter of fact, they do! It may not be in English, but a dog speaks with his energy, his body, and vocalization. Become familiar with what this language is for all dogs and specifically yours. Spend time associating instructions with rewards and praise. Help your dog be the companion he wants to be! Communication does happen.
What does this mean for us as leaders?
As the source of communication, we pay a lot of attention to what we say (our verbal communication). We should pay equal attention to what we may not say verbally but express with our body language and with the energy we project. As receivers of communication, the situation is different. We certainly notice body language in others (the crossing of arms as an expression of closure, the fidgeting during 1:1 as an expression of distraction). We feel the others’ energy: in individual encounters, in entering the room, or even during moments of silence. We also notice when energy is lacking. We take our clues from non-verbal communication, often more seriously than when we take open clues from the verbal ones.
How can Executive Coaching help?
A coach will help the client recognize those clues in himself and others as well as help him manage the “language of the body” effectively. She will also help the client respond effectively to the body language of others. The work around the client’s emotional competencies may play a big role here. To help you better understand how body language and non-verbal communication are connected to a leader's presence, there’s nothing better than Social psychologist Amy Cuddy explaining how Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are.
A dog knows when you are afraid.
There is something magic about the ability of dogs to read us. They instinctively know when you are happy, when you are sad, when you are angry, and when you don’t mean well and may become a threat. Specifically, a dog knows when you are afraid and this may end up being very difficult; in this case, the leadership position may quickly shift in the dog’s favor and limit the range of what you can do. When a dog senses you are afraid, one of two things may happen: he may take advantage of your fear (against you), or he may become fearful too – sensing there is something to be afraid of. Neither one is good. So don’t be afraid! Easier said than done. ;)
What does this mean for us as leaders?
When we are at work and in any business engagement, we shouldn’t expect fear in our daily activities. It would go far beyond the scope of this note, and would not be appropriate to discuss here. However, anxiety is a very common feeling in the workplace. We are anxious before a major meeting, a communication event, a performance review, an interview, and I could go on forever. Anxiety is palpable and can undermine our actions and our thinking. While a degree of anxiety is positive and keeps us on our toes, a prolonged state of anxiety is not. Specifically, as a leader, feeling and coming across as insecure, indecisive, or afraid of repercussions in your interactions with your team, could be a significant factor to undermine your role. The usual tip “fake it ‘til you make it” is of little help here. How you feel transpires from how you behave and what you do. So, also in this case, easier said than done: don’t be afraid! ;)
How can Executive Coaching help?
A dog’s trainer will tell you that it is not a matter of training the dog, but rather educating the owner. Many techniques can be utilized, and the trainer can even suggest you take on martial arts or boxing sessions at the gym! This is not to protect yourself or know how to attack the dog! It is to learn, physically and mentally, how to confidently approach a difficult situation – moving forward, which is what boxers do.
But this is for when you deal with a dog. In the business context, how can an Executive Coach help?
The answer is: a lot. At one level, a coach can help you deepen the awareness around your role, identify the “self-talks” that tell us the negative stories we lean toward, and reframe your reactions to the anxiety-triggering moments. At another level, a coach can help you put in place the strategies for adjusting your behavior in the most effective way for you. She can help you prepare for the major meeting, define your ability to influence in difficult situations, practice the communication event, and more. A coach can even help you work on your voice and speech patterns, to make sure you project self-confidence and authority.
Finally: never, under any circumstance, abuse your dog.
Abusing an animal doesn’t necessarily take the most violent form such as taking part in fighting rings (illegal in most states), leaving the animal chained outdoor for hours in inclement weather, hoarding /over-breeding dogs, and other such behavior. Abusing a dog may mean simply using overpowering force in unnecessary circumstances, hitting him hard with a newspaper for “potty training” purposes, abandoning him when we are off for vacation, and so on. We may not mean badly, but we are indeed abusing animals who depend on us for their well-being and survival.
What does this mean for us as leaders?
Here, I’m drawing a parallel that many of my readers will not agree with. But stay with me a little further. Have you ever come across an abusive leader? We are not talking about situations that warrant legal actions – or even situations that warrant an HR intervention. We are talking about individuals who carry a degree of authority and who don’t make a good use of it. Some examples: meetings where the leader interrupts a team member disregarding his contribution, a bossiness displayed as a form of authority, sarcastic remarks that undermine a team member’s position, harsh critique of a contribution made in public rather than in private… up to disregarding what is important for our team. These are all examples of toxic leadership – and often we are not even aware of them! For more information, read Toxic Leaders and Emotional Intelligence, by Executive Coach Jonathan Silk.
How can Executive Coaching help?
This is a wide open area for the coaching process. It is often one of the reasons why the HR Business Partner engages a coach, particularly when the leader is potentially slotted for higher level positions. It may also come up in coaching conversations where the coach is engaged directly by the leader. In either case, much can be done by raising the leader’s awareness, helping the client notice trigger moments, and expanding the range of leadership behaviors available to enhance effectiveness – as a leader and as a whole person.
More about the business of dogs..
Dogs have become an intrinsic part of our life. The ASPCA (the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals https://www.aspca.org) estimated that 78 million dogs are owned in the United States, with approximately 44% of all households having at least one dog.
And they are also the source of a tremendous business. According to the American Pet Products Association (APPA), the overall spending in the pet industry for 2015 came in at a record $60.28 billion (including: food, supplies, over-the-counter medications, veterinary care, and other services). You may now look at Fido with different eyes…
If you want to get to know your dog a bit better, here’s my favorite source of knowledge: https://www.cesarsway.com/dog-psychology
To help dogs and all animals in need, here are my favorite charities: Best Friends Animal Society - www.bestfriends.org; The Humane Society of the United States - www.humanesociety.org; American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals - www.aspca.org; North Shore Animal League - http://www.animalleague.org